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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Calling All Kids! Calling All Kids!


Give Tiffany and I a challenge.  Give us a few days to brainstorm.  And we'll engineer a most magnificent solution.  Remember our quandary with what to do with all of that pre-Tofuber meat in our freezer?  I believe the guiding principle was "Love thy neighbor and feed thy family."?

Well my fine friend, we've one-upped the plan.  Tiffany and I would like to call our new plan, "Operation Happy Halloween!"  As it turns out, perhaps by sheer coincidence, the last day of Tofuber happens to be October 31st which happens to be Halloween!  Talk about dumb luck, huh?

You see where we're about to go with this plan?  Actually... You're quite right on this one.  In a nutshell, the following represents Operation Happy Halloween plans:

  1. Sunday, October 31st afternoon.  Pull all meat products from the freezers and cupboards.
  2. Arrange by non-vegetarian value.  The complete frozen chicken is like finding the mother load!  Don't even think about it kid!  If you're first and get a frozen chicken plopped into your little plastic pumpkin bucket DON'T you dare ask, "Got anything else Mister?"
  3. Lucky for those little darling kids, the tilapia is individually frozen and sealed.  We'll be plucking them out like Benjamin Franklins.
  4. Steak?  Yes, worth more points than a frozen salmon puck.
  5. You get the ideal.  Each and every item possesses an inherent "non-vegetarian point".  The higher the point, the sooner it gets tossed into some lucky kid's grocery sack!
  6. Once Kid #1 tells Kid #2 what we're passing out and so on and so on, we're gonna look like a McDonald's in front of a Weight Watchers!
  7. I am certain we can empty the freezer of pre-Tofuber meats before the clock strikes nine.
  8. Heaven forbid should we run out of meats!!!  I couldn't deal with having to delve into my pecan smoked tofu as Halloween treats.
So kids.  If you're lucky enough to live in the Orlando, Florida area.  If you're lucky enough to live near Chucky and Tiffany.  If you're lucky enough to ring our doorbell on October 31st.  If you're lucky enough to do so between sundown and 9:00 PM.  And, if you're lucky enough to be the very first.  You might just be the only kid walking the streets of Orlando toting a 6-pound frozen roaster!

Don't worry kid.  You might not be the first to ring the door bell and you might not be lucky enough to claim the chicken.  But, we have lots of meats to pass along!  Frozen chicken, tilapia, steak, sandwich ham, scallops, frozen shrimp, cans of chili (with meat), frozen salmon patties, and just about everything else between.  If it moved, breathed, or mooed before Tofuber 1st; you might just find it inside your little ol' Halloween bucket  tomorrow night!!!

Oh yeah... One more thing... Sorry neighbors!  Kids now have the meats.

Hi-dee hi-dee happy-Halloween kids!


  1. Hilarious I might suggest throwing in some candy for the kiddies!!!

  2. Kiddies? Kiddies? The meat is for the kiddies! Should the child elect to share their meat product with their parent(s), this is his/her prerogative.

    I have bags of TSP ("The Seed" poo) for adults who ring my doorbell tonight.

    Happy Halloween!!!